She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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