she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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