Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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