I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
