I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
