So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
