My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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