Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
