Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
