i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
