I just threw up on my dentist
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
