it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
