What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
