I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
