K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
