Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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