let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
