That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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