ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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