Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
