i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
