But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
