i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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