i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
