just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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