I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
