you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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