just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
