What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
