Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
