are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
