i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
