We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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