I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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