so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
