I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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