I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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