I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
