i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
