in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He passed out mid-signature
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
