Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The Olympian is in my bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
