I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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