it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
