I think I died a long time ago.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
