I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
