Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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