Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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