Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
