girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
