Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
