he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
