I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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