Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
